number 192

i demand a lot of myself, but nowhere near as much of others.

number 191

i don't trust myself the slightest bit.

number 190

i prefer to bury myself in everything possible that i usually seem into so people might not catch on to the fact that something is bothering me.

number 189

i seem to fail, the one time i actually try.

number 188

i like that i've grown in theatre and that it has helped me learn to control my emotions for the most part, i just wish i was allowed to practice it more.



i also wish i'd get a chance to see if i can even fake an emotion well enough that people believed it, but i never get to try it, so i never know if i'm any good at it.

number 187

i cry so damn easy, it's almost pathetic.

number 186

nothing has ever died while i was holding it before...i feel sick knowing it happened like that

number 185

i feel like it's all my fault.

shauna...


aimee...



...just...everything

number 184

i still cry when i think about it all.

number 183

maybe i really am bad for people.

number 182

when i really want something, i try for it like you don't know, but i won't allow myself to do anything biased if i think it'll effect the outcome greatly.

when i don't get that something though, i mope and complain a little, but not as bad as others. at least, i try not to.

number 181

i always feel weird when someone in the grade above or below me shows an interest in me now. i don't know why.

number 180

i've never honestly been this nervous before doing a performance.



usually i can use the energy i have from the anxiety, but right now, i don't know how to...

number 179

what they want matters more than what i want now because there's more of them and like i said, i already got what i wanted.

what you want matters as much as what they want, thus i leave it to you all. i'm keeping out of it until a choice is made...

number 178

the vast majority of the students in drama exposed mean the world to me on days like these.

number 177

i can't tell if i really do still like her, or if she bothers me more than i like her.

number 176

i hate that i miss everyone so much.

number 175

it doesn't matter what i want anymore. i got what i wanted and now it's your turn to get what you want.

number 174

i still can't decide if i want to pull you close and whisper it to you, shout it out for everyone to hear, or ignore it completely in fear of rejection.

not to mention the awkward rift that would appear in drama exposed...

number 173

my pride hurts me most in the end, so they would think, but is it really my pride or is it my loyalty that hurts me most?

number 172

part of me wants to tell you to get out of my life so your friends will have their way and finally drop the subject, but part of me doesn't want to give them the satisfaction of winning.

number 171

if this is karma, then i guess it likes to hit twice as hard when it can.

number 170

freshman year : ragged on for being the underside of society in school.

sophmore year : awkward phase when comfort and security appear, but still not feeling accepted.

junior year : always hearing "you should know better, you're an upperclassmen now" blamed for a lot of shit that could have been prevented.

senior year : a path i fear to go down.

number 169

isn't it amazing how i can stay after school for the longest time, trying to mellow out and distract myself so i won't go home pissed off, but when i get home i'm pissed anyways because the second i walk through the door, something demands my attention in that one second.


and isn't it just amazing how when she's headed for bed, she realizes she zoned out on the fact i haven't eaten dinner because i was bombarded the second i walk through the door?

isn't it amazing how she really didn't care?

number 168

i need to learn how to be stronger...help me become just that

number 167

i put a lot of energy into shows when i can because i know i'm going to sap energy from it later on

number 166

i hate how sometimes i still feel like i'm hurting you...

number 165

i wish you were older...so bad

number 164

some songs still are effecting me and reminding me how much i miss you...



they shouldn't be

number 163

thinking i've lost weight both scares and pleases me.

number 162

i love girls.


just felt like restating this.

number 161

have i mentioned on here before that i think jeph jacques [maker of questionablecontent.net] is a godly man amongst men?

no?


well i think he is.
:]

number 160

clothes = seriously overrated

number 159

wow, i even forgot i could be this much of a bitch.

number 158

maybe i'm the only one who finds it so terrible, but you seem to be on my mind a lot...


you shouldn't be.


i went down this path last year.


i forced myself to get over you then.


it shouldn't be a craving i feel still.

number 157

it shouldn't be this hard. we weren't that close. we did get close fast, but we weren't really close...