number 324

my true happy place:

her room, on that bed, a scent so sweet, soft pillows and stuffed animals under my head, whatever music she wants to play, i won't think about the lyrics until the next day.

that happy moment, happy place can take its toll sometimes after. it has to happen anyway.

number 323

i am seriously going crazy over wanting an acting role in this one.

number 322

eliminate worrying from my thought process...it's gonna be hard

number 321

i hate cleaning my room...i leave too many reminders in this damn place...

number 320

"Did you give him a hug and a kiss?"

"Uhh...do what?"

that was supreamly awkward to hear from her.

number 319

you'd think they would have caught on to the "i don't believe in 'God' " ness thing...

maybe they have and they're trying to force me to stick with it...?

number 318

i'm slowly losing faith in this show. it's not pulling together.


shit, i've ceased the will to care now...not like the actors give a shit

why should i?

number 317

honestly, why was it last year a bigger cast listened to me so much better than this cast which is at least half the size?

number 316

i fucking love this jacket


seriously.

number 315

well...that hasn't happened before.


why do you make me feel so damn open about everything?
seriously, any other girlfriend hasn't made me roll over like this and let them do as they please.

it's quite interesting...

number 314

if i do move, i'm sure i will not be able to survive.

number 313

how is it i still can tell you my weakest link and not get worried about you taking advantage of it?

number 312

i don't think i honestly have many secrets anymore, just things i never say aloud.

number 311

i used to always stare at people's feet...kind of had this weird shoe fetish. what kind a person wore, how it effected their walking, so on.

i kind of still do it, but only when i notice the same someone is walking sounds differently or feels differently somehow.

number 310

i get tired of writing "number" in front of the actual numbers, but it looks so...empty if i don't; plus, i can't stop it now because i've done it for 310 entries already...

number 309

do i fall in their rhythm, or do they fall into mine?

i've always wondered that...

number 308

i feel so weird not telling you, when all last year i told you every little thing going on in this heart of mine.

number 307

it's interesting how that song now reminds me of her after she told me it reminded her of me.

actually listening to the lyrics, really makes me stop and think about what she might feel towards me

or if it's really just because it's tegan and sara.

number 306

if i were a match maker, i'd set those 2 up in a heart beat.

honestly, they both seem cute ish together. they need to hang out more before i can decide for sure...

number 305

in my defense, that truth box was not from me. i swear on my right shoe.

number 304

i was beyond suprised when they both hugged me after i congradulated them on an amazing show.

number 303

she looks out for you when i slip up, just so you know.

number 302

something that tickles me one time, can turn me on at other times, and vice versa.

number 301

when someone tries tickling me or just touches me, it most likely tickles, turns me on, or just feels really good.

number 300

if i leave, if i move, i know i'll never find someone just like bobby, roy, wolf, any of the guys i've connected with.

that, honestly, makes me petrified more than the thoughts of leaving stephh, niki, kelly, brittany, and shelby.

number 299

it kills me that she complains and does everything she does, knowing it'll get her in a shitload of trouble.

number 298

"We can't control everything, Christie."

well what if i want to control everything you put me in charge of? i mean, you pressure me so damn much, push me so damn much, and wonder why i feel like pulling my hair out at the mention of your name. you're no better than i. the only difference is i try to fix everything for everyone. you just sit there wait for others to help you. stop and see what you put me through before you demand anymore of me.

number 297

i could swear i'm getting more and more dependant in life. isn't it supposed to be the other way around?

number 296

just looking into her eyes make me feel safe and warm

i love it

number 295

i hate when people call it "v day"

i'm used to hearing "v card" so hearing "v day" makes me think virgin day. then i wonder, why the fuck would virgin's get a special day?

number 294

i love the snow
i love cuddling
i love warm blankets saving me from freezing
i love laying in front of a wood burning fire place to smell the fire and hear the wood popping...

i hate the cold


how does that make sense?!

number 293

he's my favorite guy in the world.

some girl out there needs to open their eyes and see that he's really an amazing, sweet guy.

i hate seeing him wait and go through this much...

number 292

"So what'd you get for valentine's day?"

"Nothing."

*shocked face*

"What?! She didn't know what to get me."

besides, my gift was seeing her. i don't need a materialistic item for some occasion. just letting me know she cares was all i fucking wanted.
i thought them, of all people, would understand that. i mean, they raised me to be this way, ya know?

number 291

why is her scent so orgasmically addictive?

when i realize my clothing smell like her, i can't stop cuddling up to my clothes.

number 290

what does it mean to be someone's "valentine"?

i've been curious for the past few days.

number 289

for the past 4 years, i've dated someone on valentine's day.

this year i actually stopped and wondered, why do people make such a big deal out of it?

number 288

i really am tempted to try gauging my ears. not so big that it'll be overly noticable, but still gauging them.

number 287

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."

why does twilight have to be such a big deal for all the stupid teens around here? they obsess over every little "romantic" thing said in the book/movie by edward, and ruin the quote.

i mean, for me, it just a quote. i don't obsess over it. it actually means something to me...

number 286

so i've put you through hell, and this probably won't mean shit to you, but i hope you have a good valentine's day.

number 285

i was thinking this morning, and realized i never can remember what kind of flower you said you liked.

was it lilies? tulips?

wow, i really don't remember.

number 284

perhaps i've thrown the term around a bit
but last night i honestly cried myself to sleep

and slept horribly.
i thought crying was supposed to exhaust me...?

number 283

it's like seperation anxiety or something.

with every damn thing in my life.

number 282

sometimes, i really wish i weren't such a damn "people pleaser"
because it's even starting to piss me off...

number 281

my method to getting distance = piss said person off enough to push them away from me

number 280

i wish i could sleep better in general.

maybe i need a lower dosage?
but i don't want to deal with the headaches and moodiness i'll have.

plus...i'm too addicted...

number 279

i hate when inspiration strikes me


and there's no way for it to get out of my system.


i end up laying awake for hours at night trying to get it out of my head...

number 278

i'm the kind of person who only pours my heart out when i fear i might lose it.

number 277

i honestly don't like how my jealousy effects every other thought in my mind.

number 276

every second of everyday until the day after forever, still wouldn't be long enough, because the second she'd walk away, i'd miss her...

number 275

i listened to that song...and you came to mind...you know, one of the times in your car it came on...

she was in front of me and i was singing it to her.
it reminds me of her more than you.
i felt like it describes our previous years together better than it described us...

number 274

to stop spoiling a child, the parent or guardian must first be disaplined themselves, am i right?


well, someone disapline me, i need to stop spoiling her.

number 273

mommy, i think i'm too short for this ride...get me off...please?

number 272

there's always a thought in the back of my head begging them to bring me roses again.

there's always a thought shooting that down saying they won't get me any.


there's always a wish that at least she would recognize what i've been doing for this damn thing, but even she won't see what i've been doing for it.

number 271

maybe you really knew it'd hit me like it did, but everytime i listen to call it off, i feel myself kick myself in the face.



yes, still does it to this day.

i can imagine you singing different parts to me.

number 270

everyday i wonder, at least once, if you'd have just been better off not knowing me...

number 269

i'm getting sick of them ruining my plans of relaxation. yes, i know i spend a lot of time with her, but dammit. i'm tired of the same faces at school. i need my escape more than ever right now.

stop bitching at me.
start fucking trusting me again.

number 268

you've been getting a hell of a lot better, and i understand that sometimes you need to just scream and yell about everything once in a while to stay sane.

i'm sorry i'm being so selfish about all of this. i'm sorry i argue so much. my patience is wearing thin is all...

number 267

this character is actually, really bothering me now.