caution:

number 480

2009-08-29T12:00:00.001-04:00

i'z guiltehh uf talking liek thiszor

iz teh saddz.

pea ezz, liek izn't uh typo zorz

number 479

2009-08-29T11:59:00.001-04:00

i'm getting in that mode where i want to take her everywhere with me,

because i feel like showing off how comfortable i am with her

and because i just love being with her.

number 478

2009-08-29T11:58:00.003-04:00

i can honestly say, i'm happy with who i am, what i have, and who i have.

would i like other people back in my life? fersure

but i have to keep reminding myself, they're moving on.

number 477

2009-08-29T11:57:00.001-04:00

"bitch, go buy some girl clothes"

shit had me weak.

number 476

2009-07-21T09:33:00.001-04:00

i need to change the format for this, but i have no time.

number 475

2009-07-21T09:23:00.002-04:00

"...it's been an off and on kind of thing,

and i'm crazy about her and everything

but...she reeeeally sucks at kissing >.<"

i swear, that made me laugh so hard. i think it's one reason why i still cling to her. she reminds me of me, but only slightly.

number 474

2009-06-13T21:47:00.004-04:00

she doesn't like it short...maybe if i cut it, it'll make it definate in my mind.

number 473

2009-06-13T21:47:00.002-04:00

i want it short
i want contacts

i need things to change, or i'll hold on tighter and tighter.

number 472

2009-06-13T21:46:00.002-04:00

somewhere in my head i think i'm terrible for people in general.

it's probably true.

number 471

2009-06-13T21:45:00.000-04:00

i hate this. that's all i'm going to say about this situation.

number 470

2009-06-06T12:34:00.001-04:00

neither of them could burn you out though

number 469

2009-06-06T12:33:00.001-04:00

combine them

it'd be her

that made me have a dream about her last night...

number 468

2009-06-01T05:12:00.002-04:00

i really need new music

number 467

2009-06-01T05:12:00.001-04:00

i need to bring my english grade up or i'll cry

number 466

2009-05-29T10:13:00.001-04:00

":-/

i really don't know how to explain it. i mean...it's not just you want me, i want you.

it's like you want me and i'll want you more..."

lieslieslies.

number 465

2009-05-29T10:07:00.003-04:00

"i miss my raccoon.

not the one that cuts and fools around and seems absolutely miserable.

i want the one who smiled a lot and rambled about whatever cause that's what i wanted and didn't feel so dead to me.

except i lost my raccoon and i don't think i'm getting her back.

and i feel like shit for that because you don't find raccoons like that all the time.

it's like a once or never kind of thing."

next time, don't say that, then proceed to bitch about how someone went back to who they used to be.

number 464

2009-05-29T09:57:00.003-04:00

"do you think me breaking up with you was all your fault?"

seems like it was.

number 463

2009-05-29T09:55:00.002-04:00

i want a new style...well not a new one. i just to broaden where i've gone so far...

number 462

2009-05-28T16:59:00.001-04:00

why are college girls so damn hot, and sweet, and just...calming?

number 461

2009-05-28T16:56:00.001-04:00

it's irritating how much she reminds me of myself at times.

damn freshmen.

number 460

2009-05-28T16:39:00.001-04:00

"well you see i broke up with shelby and..."

"you left shelby for that?!"

the look on her face made me laugh yet cower at the same time.

number 459

2009-05-28T16:37:00.000-04:00

and i snapped.

number 458

2009-05-25T16:49:00.002-04:00

i don't want to have a councelor again.
i don't want mom and dad to spend the money for one.
i don't want to be weak.
i don't want to hear them tell me everything that's wrong with me.
i don't want to hear i need more medication.
i don't want to be dependant on medication.
i don't want to waste money on hearing them tell me what to do.
i don't want to think about it all.

i know none of it will help. it didn't last time.

number 457

2009-05-25T16:47:00.001-04:00

i have a theory as to why i like theatre and working as much as i do

it keeps my mind off everything. i hate eating because it allows me time to think. i hate getting a shower because it allows me time to think. i hate doing anything that's second nature because it allows me time to think.

number 456

2009-05-25T16:43:00.004-04:00

a car could hit me when i go outside and i wouldn't care right.

i could get a car and i wouldn't care.

nothing matters anymore it feels like.

only thing that does matter is how she's doing.

number 455

2009-05-25T16:43:00.001-04:00

i don't blame her.

number 454

2009-05-22T18:56:00.000-04:00

it's like my way of testing the water.

number 453

2009-05-22T18:55:00.000-04:00

i can see what you mean by she gets irritating.

she really does.

number 452

2009-05-22T18:21:00.001-04:00

no matter what, in a myspace survey, i have to change what was there before. i'll add a word or put "<--- same"

no clue why

number 451

2009-05-22T18:20:00.000-04:00

i really don't see what the big deal is with the word cunt.

number 450

2009-05-21T18:06:00.001-04:00

i haven't cried today.

i want it to stay that way.

number 449

2009-05-21T18:05:00.002-04:00

i'm getting a twinge of confidence.
i'm not feeling like i need to pull you around.

i'm starting to feel secure...it's scaring me really.

number 448

2009-05-21T18:04:00.002-04:00

why does this song remind me of you so damn much?
why do i keep listening to it?

number 447

2009-05-21T17:58:00.001-04:00

i find it interesting that i can make them believe my issues are nothing.

number 446

2009-05-16T10:20:00.002-04:00

i wish my poetry would go back to what it used to be.

back when it was a slightly contained stream of consciousness...

number 445

2009-05-16T10:18:00.001-04:00

i'm tired of teachers and adult shoving the whole suicide shit down my throat. they always give it to me with a bunch of guilt.

it's like trying to swallow a tablespoon of cinnimon with a pinch of sugar in it.

number 444

2009-05-16T10:15:00.002-04:00

i hate those advertisements that are all like "Are you Bisexual? take this quiz and find out."

how about you build up your own guts and figure it out yourself. those quizzes don't tell you anything you don't already know.

i just don't like when people depend so much on a quiz to know their orientation. to figure out your personality type is one thing, to know your preference is another.

number 443

2009-05-16T10:12:00.002-04:00

i'm addicted to the show house for some reason.

and the season finale made me sad...

number 442

2009-05-16T10:08:00.002-04:00

as summer rolls up again and i went to ocean breeze monday and all that, i felt my mind slip back to last summer...

it feels like it was just yesterday i was being pampered by ana and olia and jen and rose...

i miss them...

i hope she doesn't come back this year.
i don't need that shit this time.

number 441

2009-05-16T10:06:00.003-04:00

"stop flirting!"

first thing that popped into my mind was

"oh shit, am i...? fuck. distancedistancedistance."

shit, she could have been talking to you and i still would have jumped.

number 440

2009-05-14T05:42:00.002-04:00

i listen to songs that remind me of you because i feel like i never get to be with you anymore. i miss laying on your bed with you.

a movie sounds nice, doesn't it?

number 439

2009-05-14T05:41:00.002-04:00

i can't stand it when you start talking like that.

i've told you there's no one else i want, waiting isn't an issue for me.

number 438

2009-05-13T20:19:00.002-04:00

let's try being subtle again.

number 437

2009-05-13T20:19:00.001-04:00

i feel like i'm going to do something stupid.

number 436

2009-05-13T20:02:00.001-04:00

the questions slip my mind a lot.
i begin to feel confident, then, out of fucking nowhere, i get insecure again and ask.

then i have a reason to be insecure.

number 435

2009-05-13T20:00:00.001-04:00

i hide in theatre.

i learn more, and i hide it all once i do because i don't want to start hating myself more.

part of me thinks i should distance myself from it, because all i'm doing is finding new sides of me, new personalities to go explore the world in, new personalities to hide in.

number 434

2009-05-13T19:59:00.002-04:00

i'm afraid of growing up, but i want freedom.

i know i have to grow up, and living on my own doesn't bother me, what bothers me is knowing i'll end up becoming more of a loner.

closing off completely...

number 433

2009-05-13T19:58:00.001-04:00

purple, pink, and blue.

those 3 colors make my heart ache more.

number 432

2009-05-13T19:57:00.000-04:00

i can feel myself closing off to people.

i like it...but then again i don't.

number 431

2009-05-13T19:56:00.001-04:00

i don't like myself, but i like myself more than i used to...well, most of the time i do...

number 430

2009-05-03T19:47:00.001-04:00

i hate thinking i'm being immature...

number 429

2009-05-03T19:46:00.000-04:00

"you're so patient christie"

that's a damn lie.

number 428

2009-04-29T20:35:00.001-04:00

"i figured i made you wait long enough.

wouldn't you agree?"

part says yes, part says no, and part just doesn't give a damn, as long as i can have you back...

number 427

2009-04-29T20:33:00.001-04:00

"you get distracted easily"

i do...i really do.

if i think someone isn't interested i let myself get distracted...

number 426

2009-04-24T23:51:00.001-04:00

i waited this long, i can wait until she's better...i know it

not like many other people have really been catching my attention

not like i really want anyone other than her...

number 425

2009-04-24T23:50:00.000-04:00

i swear, april is my bad luck month

number 424

2009-04-21T21:32:00.003-04:00

i want you happy...whatever it takes...

number 423

2009-04-21T21:32:00.001-04:00

yea, know that hurt...just know that.

number 422

2009-04-21T20:45:00.002-04:00

when i feel uncomfortable, i get defensive, that leads to me being pissy, which makes me irrational, thus i say things i really shouldn't...

number 421

2009-04-21T20:44:00.000-04:00

then it hits me, you honestly don't give a shit, do you?

number 420

2009-04-21T04:45:00.002-04:00

i'm still tired and i wen to bed early and woke up late...

i'm not liking this

number 419

2009-04-21T04:44:00.003-04:00

why do guys think it's ok to call me names like that?

makes me feel like a pet or something when they do it...why do i always get that feeling from guys?

number 418

2009-04-20T21:31:00.001-04:00

sleep sounds like a good idea i guess...

number 417

2009-04-20T21:30:00.000-04:00

have you caught on to how your moods rub off on me?

number 416

2009-04-19T10:15:00.001-04:00

note to self:

when going to bed, always fall asleep under a blanket with minimal clothing on, or there will be hell to pay in the morning.

number 415

2009-04-19T10:13:00.001-04:00

note to self:
when i rule the world, eliminate all people of the male gender who think

"i have a girlfriend" means "sure, let's make it a threesome"

number 414

2009-04-19T00:10:00.001-04:00

i swear, my mom has gaydar...

and she can tell by how i say someone's name, if i like them or if they're gay...

it's weird.

number 413

2009-04-19T00:09:00.002-04:00

i'm beginning to leave things open for only her to see, simply because she's been keeping me sane lately.

number 412

2009-04-19T00:04:00.000-04:00

i feel like sleeping, but i'm honestly too irritated to sleep...

number 411

2009-04-19T00:03:00.000-04:00

this is exactly why long distance relationships will never work for me.

number 410

2009-04-17T22:59:00.001-04:00

if i really do look for people who remind me of my parents...i must say, some of my failed relationships really make sense to me now.

and some of my harsher ones make a hell of a lot more sense now...

number 409

2009-04-17T22:57:00.002-04:00

knowing she was home sent chills down my spine, a smile to my face, and a sudden throbbing in my chest that caught even me off guard...

it was a very awkward feeling

number 408

2009-04-17T22:55:00.001-04:00

today was day of silence...

maybe i'm the only one who finds it hilarious, but today i talked more than i have all week really...

number 407

2009-04-17T22:54:00.001-04:00

regrets:

will i regret rolling over for her like i have?
probably.

do i honestly care?
nope.

number 406

2009-04-16T11:47:00.001-04:00

if my hair were always this color, i'd actually like my hair more.

number 405

2009-04-16T11:45:00.002-04:00

"raccooooooon!"

"yes my love?"

"<3"

why does that make my heart stutter?

number 404

2009-04-15T08:00:00.000-04:00

i'm being selfish, i don't wanna be selfish, but dammit, i want you.

number 403

2009-04-15T07:59:00.001-04:00

that was the first time in about a year that cried myself to sleep like that.

number 402

2009-04-14T20:31:00.002-04:00

it's always going to be my fault...even though i'm never the one to do anything.

number 401

2009-04-14T20:31:00.001-04:00

it's annoying how bad i want to stand out in at least one person's eyes.

number 400

2009-04-11T11:28:00.002-04:00

i actually find it interesting how i just knew rationalizing things for her would help her calm down.

usually, my first tactic is the wrong one.

number 399

2009-04-11T11:27:00.001-04:00

part of me is glad she's in florida for a week, it'll make me give her the space she wants.

but of course, deep down, i wish she were still here, so, so bad...

number 398

2009-04-09T20:51:00.001-04:00

lately, people have just been supreamly annoying...

number 397

2009-04-09T20:49:00.001-04:00

"christieeeeee" *hugs from behind*

*makes face* "hey you, get off." *shrugs and pulls away*

yea...i kinda shocked myself with that...i actually sounded stern for once...

number 396

2009-04-09T20:48:00.001-04:00

i keep wondering why it is my writing is so bad nowadays.

number 395

2009-04-09T20:46:00.001-04:00

it kinda hurts whenever she says she's so happy to be getting out of virginia for break, but it'll make me give her space i guess so it's good...

it's going to be nothing like christmas break so i'll be going even more insane...

number 394

2009-04-07T14:42:00.002-04:00

christie in drama exposed:

nightmare on sundevil drive: alice/the gamer

use it or lose it: sound

a working carol: lights

ed opus: sound

body systems: sound

macbeth in short: ______ [tech]

mathaholics anonymous: _______ [acting]

if it goes my way, then it better be exactly like that.

and next year if i'm in drama exposed, it'll be the exact opposite.

number 393

2009-04-07T14:36:00.002-04:00

sometimes i start to say something then stop because i know saying whatever i was going to say would bother her, then i think i shouldn't say it.
but if i don't say it she gets irritated because i won't finish my thought; i get irritated with myself because then she might think i'm keeping things from her.

in the end, i just need to think about what i'm about to say more before i say it...

number 392

2009-04-07T06:53:00.002-04:00

i've burned my ears with my straightener probably 20 times total in the past 2 years, 15 of those times have been recent.

number 391

2009-04-07T06:52:00.002-04:00

if it's possible, i'm pretty sure i raise my body temperature for a short period of time, whenever i straighten my hair.

number 390

2009-04-06T05:42:00.001-04:00

safe.

so so safe.

honestly, i slept a little better last night...

number 389

2009-04-06T05:40:00.002-04:00

i may be restating this, but i do things that normally calm other people [massaging and ect] mainly to calm myself.

the most logical way i can explain it is, i have to focus on calming them which, as a result, calms me.

number 388

2009-04-05T20:27:00.003-04:00

" 'i really don't want to leave...'

interesting hearing me say that when i'm not trying to put my clothes back on, eh?"

well ain't that the truth.

number 387

2009-04-05T20:27:00.001-04:00

i've never felt like this...this secure...this safe feeling i felt in her room...i can honestly say i've never felt before...

number 386

2009-04-04T22:12:00.004-04:00

number 385, reminds me, i can't believe how i'm even starting to get jealous of my own ex for being close with her...it's annoying for me to think about.

number 385

2009-04-04T22:12:00.001-04:00

i'm not liking how my jealousy can't keeps itself underwraps anymore.

number 384

2009-04-04T21:06:00.002-04:00

"is it worth it? is she going to be worth all the changing?"

even when i was asked that weeks ago, i knew the answer was yes.

for your information, she'll always be worth it...

number 383

2009-04-04T21:05:00.000-04:00

it's almost pathetic how much i think about her.

number 382

2009-04-02T19:59:00.000-04:00

i wish i never had to sleep. it'd make everything so much better.

number 381

2009-04-02T19:55:00.002-04:00

definition of christie rose lindsey: n. a flamboyant lesbian who loves technical theatre and acting; is intensely depressing, too flirtatious for her own good, is an over controlling mess a lot of the time, tends to wear her heart on her sleeve; can be a liar and a clingy whore.