at the end of last school year, we were in baker's class after doing her exam and playing some game i forget what game.
one question was:
"would you rather be buried in the wrong grave or have a misspelling in your name put on your headstone?"
i seriously can't answer that.
one way is if i'm buried in the wrong grave, i'm where someone else's dead body should be. the headstone and everything is supposed to say whose buried there and such so when people go and leave flowers they're actually leaving them on the right grave. to me if the body isn't there, it isn't the right grave. yea, people won't know that when they pass by or anything, but still.
other thing is, if my name is on their wrong, it'll be awkward. i mean it's not really going to matter. no one really remembers people from their headstone, but what they did in real life. but what if my life wasn't spontanious enough to leave an impact so people will remember me?
but how will my headstone decide if they remember me?
i don't know.
i hate that question is all.
Friday, August 29, 2008
number 103
i usually don't think lowly of people around me. i try not to think highly of myself.
for all i know it'll be my downfall...i really don't want it to be.
i hate when i realize i'm thinking lowly of someone or thinking highly of myself. i try not to. you really don't know how hard i try to not think lowly of someone. no one can really understand how i try to let everyone have the benefit of the doubt now. last school year [freshman year] was a different story, but now i try so hard not to be that anymore.
for all i know it'll be my downfall...i really don't want it to be.
i hate when i realize i'm thinking lowly of someone or thinking highly of myself. i try not to. you really don't know how hard i try to not think lowly of someone. no one can really understand how i try to let everyone have the benefit of the doubt now. last school year [freshman year] was a different story, but now i try so hard not to be that anymore.
number 102
another thing i've grown to realize, i crave the most random things when i'm on it.
as weird as this may sound, and weird, i really do crave random things. not just food or anything.
certian kinds of music, certian people to be around, certian things. [if you catch my drift]
i never noticed it until 3 years ago, but then was when i noticed the food part more, recently i realized the rest...
i'm not saying how recently.
[as a hint, i was starting to realize this before i started dating shelby]
as weird as this may sound, and weird, i really do crave random things. not just food or anything.
certian kinds of music, certian people to be around, certian things. [if you catch my drift]
i never noticed it until 3 years ago, but then was when i noticed the food part more, recently i realized the rest...
i'm not saying how recently.
[as a hint, i was starting to realize this before i started dating shelby]
number 101
i wonder if it's ever weird how moody i get.
when they would change my adderall dosage i got moody and snippy as hell all the time.
when i'm on my period i'm moodier than normal.
when i'm feeling sick i'm moody and insecure.
when i've pushed my limits, physically, mentally, or emotionally i'm even more moody and insecure.
when i feel ignored or forgotten i get moody to the point it's so disturbing i call myself mature.
i know, a lot of it "everyone goes through" and i'm "just over exaggerating" but really, i'm moody all the time, it gets worse though.
when they would change my adderall dosage i got moody and snippy as hell all the time.
when i'm on my period i'm moodier than normal.
when i'm feeling sick i'm moody and insecure.
when i've pushed my limits, physically, mentally, or emotionally i'm even more moody and insecure.
when i feel ignored or forgotten i get moody to the point it's so disturbing i call myself mature.
i know, a lot of it "everyone goes through" and i'm "just over exaggerating" but really, i'm moody all the time, it gets worse though.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
number 100
not only is this the only relationship i've been this comfortable in, but it's also my longest one [all at once], and the most stable one i've been in where i seem to find it so hard to keep her off my mind...
number 98
i can't say i'm a morning person or a night person.
i can stay up way late, and wake up way early and be in, generally, an ok mood.
what bothers me is my parents have raised me [i'm putting this simply as possible] to never waste daylight. for school i wake up at 4. for most days i try to keep a schedule of like 6 or 7. i hate sleeping in late. i live off alarm clocks going off.
unfortunately, this also means my parents like to be in bed earlier and i can't have a life.
that, is why i hate calling somebody to hang out when i know they're sleeping and enjoying relaxation time.
i can stay up way late, and wake up way early and be in, generally, an ok mood.
what bothers me is my parents have raised me [i'm putting this simply as possible] to never waste daylight. for school i wake up at 4. for most days i try to keep a schedule of like 6 or 7. i hate sleeping in late. i live off alarm clocks going off.
unfortunately, this also means my parents like to be in bed earlier and i can't have a life.
that, is why i hate calling somebody to hang out when i know they're sleeping and enjoying relaxation time.
number 97
i can function normally off 4 hours of sleep.
that is the least amount of sleep a body can function off of.
sometimes i wonder, is it unhealthy for me to be doing that at my age?
that is the least amount of sleep a body can function off of.
sometimes i wonder, is it unhealthy for me to be doing that at my age?
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