number 156

i still don't see what's so bad with a 3 year age difference...

number 155

allow me to complain when i say this

i worked my ass off to gain their complete trust, to feel comfortable in this damn house, to be allowed to escape to that school so i could be somewhere where i felt completely at home; now, as i know what this whole situation means, i feel mainly hate for all that trust being thrown into a fire right in front of me.

number 154

i haven't cried anywhere near this much ever since august when i realized stephh was leaving for college in a week and i wouldn't see her as often.

number 153

irony: when the unexpected happens, divided into 3 sub groups.

situational irony: when a character doesn't anticipate something and it occurs to their suprise

dramatic irony: when the reader knows what is going to happen, but the character doesn't

verbal irony: irony that is spoken by a character, sarcasm is an example


with my recent events, i think someone out there saw it coming, does that make it dramatic irony?

number 152

just need someone now, to tame the beast further more...

number 151

once upon a time, it all started with a school project thing


skipping all the bullshit in the middle that explains how we got here



and then all she did was cry and cry in the end.

number 150

i don't think i've ever felt like more of a fucking bad influence as i did/do today.

isn't it just dandy fucking up everyone's life you care about?

number 149

weird how it was completely true you say?

weird how immediately i knew i was going to fuck up.

number 148

i really do wonder if some of them just have me around to make it seem as if they'll forgive me, but know deep down that they won't.

number 147

i have a lot of friends i feel insecure around, but something still draws me towards them.

number 146

whether she's mad at me still or not, i'll probably never know, and not only because of the physical distance between her and i; but i still do think she's the best thing since sliced bread. everytime i'll see her, i'll still jump into her arms and act as though nothing has ever happened.

that doesn't mean i still love her in the sence that i dream about her. she's happily taken and i'd never interfere with that. she's just the one person who looks out for me it feels like now. the one who looks out for me and everyone surrounding me even after she's graduated.

how i wish i could see her right now. i could use her shoulder to cry on this time. i'm pretty sure she's the only one i can cry to at this time.

number 145

is it bad that i've forgotten how to cry in front of anyone?

number 144

i need to be 18
i need to drive
i need to have fun on my own
i need to see people
i need to have time

i want it all right now, so bad.

number 143

the male gender is so much like dogs, that i find it too hard to be with any girls in public when it's obvious i'm a lesbian.

number 142

cake on my mask, thick as can be, i 'm becoming tired of what they always see, change me burn me, anyway you can, just make it reversable so i can come back.

number 141

times like these i wish i weren't me.

number 140

i hate knowing he's this pissed about something. he's an, overall, calm, down to earth, caring guy, but knowing he snapped like that scares the fuck out of me...

number 139

i never can feel too comfortable with many guys, but when i find myself quite comfortable with one, i feel like i could trust them with almost anything.

number 138

oh no, disaster in the real world.
a lesbian can have a friend whose straight and really close?!

when did this become ok?



T.T

that is why i don't want to say who the good friend is...

number 137

when i said before i was searching for someone, someone who reminded me of her, someone i said i found, i have come to realize, i haven't. she's more like the other close friend of mine. the other friend that saved me a lot last year.

one minor difference, she's like the first one in the way that she's come to me for help. the second one never asked for my help, she took care of herself or just didn't need me.

i want her to feel more...bold, strong really, since i've realized she's covering the bases that 2 covered before.

number 136

so, i live by what everyone else says. it bothers them, i try not to do it. i'm ruled by what others think or say so i can try to keep them happy. maybe i do it because i can't decide either way, maybe i just don't care about my own opinion, maybe i still don't think i'll ever deserve to be trusted by myself.

number 135

i am a pro choice person. i feel like people make choices to do things and it's all for a reason.

when i saw that pro life bulletin devon posted, i couldn't help but repost it because i knew i'd want someone to do the same for me. sure i don't support what all of my friends believe, but that doesn't mean i won't help them get their voice heard if they want it heard.


does that make me sound too much like i'm contridicting myself?

number 134

i can say her name easier than i can type it.
i can say the situation easier than i can type it.
i can rant about the whole story easier than i can let myself think about it alone.

many don't believe me when i say i hurt. "you're the one who left her and hurt her"

too many think i'm some cold, heartless bitch who doesn't care about her at all. who let her drop off the face of my world and didn't try to save her.

all of them don't know that i cry every time i hear she's not doing better.

they don't know i check on her all the time when i can.

no one knows i'm crying at this second because i still can't get over how much i hurt her and how i wish i could stop her from hurting.

number 133

i smile when i think she's doing better.


i smile more when i imagine her happier with someone else.


i smile knowing she'll get better.



i feel that smile fade when i want to talk to her...

number 132

maybe it's weird i don't trust myself. maybe it's natural for me to not trust myself. maybe i'm making others think i'm not worth trusting. maybe others make me think i'm not worth trusting...

number 131

i guess i'm not allowed to act out of character...at least that's what everyone keeps making it seem like...


but i wonder, i say i'm acting out of character. out of the lines i've drawn around myself...they say i'm just keeping myself inside of it. part of wonders who is right. the other part says fuck it and does what it feels like anyway.

number 130

just because i act like i don't like you the slightest bit, become annoyed with you very easily, and say that you piss me off a lot, doesn't mean i can't remain professional with how i act during rehearsals or in a show with you. i've worked with a couple handfulls of people i never wanted to work with, but i didn't let that get in the way, so stop saying i do let it get in the way...

number 129

i've come to realized i always think up excuses for myself because i hate thinking irrationally. i want to know there's a reason to everything i do.

number 128

i like knowing i can lead others, but when i have to do something i can't really do, i find it too hard to actually do it and lead others to do it...

number 127

this is the first year since forever ago, that part of me is actually excited about my birthday...