number 134

i can say her name easier than i can type it.
i can say the situation easier than i can type it.
i can rant about the whole story easier than i can let myself think about it alone.

many don't believe me when i say i hurt. "you're the one who left her and hurt her"

too many think i'm some cold, heartless bitch who doesn't care about her at all. who let her drop off the face of my world and didn't try to save her.

all of them don't know that i cry every time i hear she's not doing better.

they don't know i check on her all the time when i can.

no one knows i'm crying at this second because i still can't get over how much i hurt her and how i wish i could stop her from hurting.