number 480

i'z guiltehh uf talking liek thiszor

iz teh saddz.


pea ezz, liek izn't uh typo zorz

number 479

i'm getting in that mode where i want to take her everywhere with me,

because i feel like showing off how comfortable i am with her


and because i just love being with her.

number 478

i can honestly say, i'm happy with who i am, what i have, and who i have.


would i like other people back in my life? fersure

but i have to keep reminding myself, they're moving on.

number 477

"bitch, go buy some girl clothes"

shit had me weak.

number 476

i need to change the format for this, but i have no time.

number 475

"...it's been an off and on kind of thing,

and i'm crazy about her and everything

but...she reeeeally sucks at kissing >.<"

i swear, that made me laugh so hard. i think it's one reason why i still cling to her. she reminds me of me, but only slightly.

number 474

she doesn't like it short...maybe if i cut it, it'll make it definate in my mind.

number 473

i want it short
i want contacts

i need things to change, or i'll hold on tighter and tighter.

number 472

somewhere in my head i think i'm terrible for people in general.


it's probably true.

number 471

i hate this. that's all i'm going to say about this situation.

number 470

neither of them could burn you out though

number 469

combine them


it'd be her


that made me have a dream about her last night...

number 468

i really need new music

number 467

i need to bring my english grade up or i'll cry

number 466

":-/

i really don't know how to explain it. i mean...it's not just you want me, i want you.

it's like you want me and i'll want you more..."

lieslieslies.

number 465

"i miss my raccoon.

not the one that cuts and fools around and seems absolutely miserable.

i want the one who smiled a lot and rambled about whatever cause that's what i wanted and didn't feel so dead to me.

except i lost my raccoon and i don't think i'm getting her back.

and i feel like shit for that because you don't find raccoons like that all the time.

it's like a once or never kind of thing."

next time, don't say that, then proceed to bitch about how someone went back to who they used to be.

number 464

"do you think me breaking up with you was all your fault?"

seems like it was.

number 463

i want a new style...well not a new one. i just to broaden where i've gone so far...

number 462

why are college girls so damn hot, and sweet, and just...calming?

number 461

it's irritating how much she reminds me of myself at times.

damn freshmen.

number 460

"well you see i broke up with shelby and..."

"you left shelby for that?!"

the look on her face made me laugh yet cower at the same time.

number 459

and i snapped.

number 458

i don't want to have a councelor again.
i don't want mom and dad to spend the money for one.
i don't want to be weak.
i don't want to hear them tell me everything that's wrong with me.
i don't want to hear i need more medication.
i don't want to be dependant on medication.
i don't want to waste money on hearing them tell me what to do.
i don't want to think about it all.


i know none of it will help. it didn't last time.

number 457

i have a theory as to why i like theatre and working as much as i do

it keeps my mind off everything. i hate eating because it allows me time to think. i hate getting a shower because it allows me time to think. i hate doing anything that's second nature because it allows me time to think.

number 456

a car could hit me when i go outside and i wouldn't care right.

i could get a car and i wouldn't care.

nothing matters anymore it feels like.

only thing that does matter is how she's doing.

number 455

i don't blame her.

number 454

it's like my way of testing the water.

number 453

i can see what you mean by she gets irritating.


she really does.

number 452

no matter what, in a myspace survey, i have to change what was there before. i'll add a word or put "<--- same"


no clue why

number 451

i really don't see what the big deal is with the word cunt.

number 450

i haven't cried today.


i want it to stay that way.

number 449

i'm getting a twinge of confidence.
i'm not feeling like i need to pull you around.

i'm starting to feel secure...it's scaring me really.

number 448

why does this song remind me of you so damn much?
why do i keep listening to it?

number 447

i find it interesting that i can make them believe my issues are nothing.

number 446

i wish my poetry would go back to what it used to be.

back when it was a slightly contained stream of consciousness...

number 445

i'm tired of teachers and adult shoving the whole suicide shit down my throat. they always give it to me with a bunch of guilt.

it's like trying to swallow a tablespoon of cinnimon with a pinch of sugar in it.

number 444

i hate those advertisements that are all like "Are you Bisexual? take this quiz and find out."

how about you build up your own guts and figure it out yourself. those quizzes don't tell you anything you don't already know.


i just don't like when people depend so much on a quiz to know their orientation. to figure out your personality type is one thing, to know your preference is another.

number 443

i'm addicted to the show house for some reason.

and the season finale made me sad...

number 442

as summer rolls up again and i went to ocean breeze monday and all that, i felt my mind slip back to last summer...

it feels like it was just yesterday i was being pampered by ana and olia and jen and rose...

i miss them...


i hope she doesn't come back this year.
i don't need that shit this time.

number 441

"stop flirting!"

first thing that popped into my mind was

"oh shit, am i...? fuck. distancedistancedistance."

shit, she could have been talking to you and i still would have jumped.

number 440

i listen to songs that remind me of you because i feel like i never get to be with you anymore. i miss laying on your bed with you.


a movie sounds nice, doesn't it?

number 439

i can't stand it when you start talking like that.

i've told you there's no one else i want, waiting isn't an issue for me.

number 438

let's try being subtle again.

number 437

i feel like i'm going to do something stupid.

number 436

the questions slip my mind a lot.
i begin to feel confident, then, out of fucking nowhere, i get insecure again and ask.

then i have a reason to be insecure.

number 435

i hide in theatre.

i learn more, and i hide it all once i do because i don't want to start hating myself more.


part of me thinks i should distance myself from it, because all i'm doing is finding new sides of me, new personalities to go explore the world in, new personalities to hide in.

number 434

i'm afraid of growing up, but i want freedom.

i know i have to grow up, and living on my own doesn't bother me, what bothers me is knowing i'll end up becoming more of a loner.

closing off completely...

number 433

purple, pink, and blue.


those 3 colors make my heart ache more.

number 432

i can feel myself closing off to people.


i like it...but then again i don't.

number 431

i don't like myself, but i like myself more than i used to...well, most of the time i do...

number 430

i hate thinking i'm being immature...

number 429

"you're so patient christie"

that's a damn lie.

number 428

"i figured i made you wait long enough.

wouldn't you agree?"

part says yes, part says no, and part just doesn't give a damn, as long as i can have you back...

number 427

"you get distracted easily"

i do...i really do.


if i think someone isn't interested i let myself get distracted...

number 426

i waited this long, i can wait until she's better...i know it


not like many other people have really been catching my attention


not like i really want anyone other than her...

number 425

i swear, april is my bad luck month

number 424

i want you happy...whatever it takes...

number 423

yea, know that hurt...just know that.

number 422

when i feel uncomfortable, i get defensive, that leads to me being pissy, which makes me irrational, thus i say things i really shouldn't...

number 421

then it hits me, you honestly don't give a shit, do you?

number 420

i'm still tired and i wen to bed early and woke up late...


i'm not liking this

number 419

why do guys think it's ok to call me names like that?


makes me feel like a pet or something when they do it...why do i always get that feeling from guys?

number 418

sleep sounds like a good idea i guess...

number 417

have you caught on to how your moods rub off on me?

number 416

note to self:

when going to bed, always fall asleep under a blanket with minimal clothing on, or there will be hell to pay in the morning.

number 415

note to self:
when i rule the world, eliminate all people of the male gender who think

"i have a girlfriend" means "sure, let's make it a threesome"

number 414

i swear, my mom has gaydar...

and she can tell by how i say someone's name, if i like them or if they're gay...


it's weird.

number 413

i'm beginning to leave things open for only her to see, simply because she's been keeping me sane lately.

number 412

i feel like sleeping, but i'm honestly too irritated to sleep...

number 411

this is exactly why long distance relationships will never work for me.

number 410

if i really do look for people who remind me of my parents...i must say, some of my failed relationships really make sense to me now.


and some of my harsher ones make a hell of a lot more sense now...

number 409

knowing she was home sent chills down my spine, a smile to my face, and a sudden throbbing in my chest that caught even me off guard...


it was a very awkward feeling

number 408

today was day of silence...


maybe i'm the only one who finds it hilarious, but today i talked more than i have all week really...

number 407

regrets:


will i regret rolling over for her like i have?
probably.

do i honestly care?
nope.

number 406

if my hair were always this color, i'd actually like my hair more.

number 405

"raccooooooon!"

"yes my love?"

"<3"

why does that make my heart stutter?

number 404

i'm being selfish, i don't wanna be selfish, but dammit, i want you.

number 403

that was the first time in about a year that cried myself to sleep like that.

number 402

it's always going to be my fault...even though i'm never the one to do anything.

number 401

it's annoying how bad i want to stand out in at least one person's eyes.

number 400

i actually find it interesting how i just knew rationalizing things for her would help her calm down.


usually, my first tactic is the wrong one.

number 399

part of me is glad she's in florida for a week, it'll make me give her the space she wants.


but of course, deep down, i wish she were still here, so, so bad...

number 398

lately, people have just been supreamly annoying...

number 397

"christieeeeee" *hugs from behind*

*makes face* "hey you, get off." *shrugs and pulls away*

yea...i kinda shocked myself with that...i actually sounded stern for once...

number 396

i keep wondering why it is my writing is so bad nowadays.

number 395

it kinda hurts whenever she says she's so happy to be getting out of virginia for break, but it'll make me give her space i guess so it's good...


it's going to be nothing like christmas break so i'll be going even more insane...

number 394

christie in drama exposed:

nightmare on sundevil drive: alice/the gamer

use it or lose it: sound

a working carol: lights

ed opus: sound

body systems: sound

macbeth in short: ______ [tech]

mathaholics anonymous: _______ [acting]

if it goes my way, then it better be exactly like that.


and next year if i'm in drama exposed, it'll be the exact opposite.

number 393

sometimes i start to say something then stop because i know saying whatever i was going to say would bother her, then i think i shouldn't say it.
but if i don't say it she gets irritated because i won't finish my thought; i get irritated with myself because then she might think i'm keeping things from her.

in the end, i just need to think about what i'm about to say more before i say it...

number 392

i've burned my ears with my straightener probably 20 times total in the past 2 years, 15 of those times have been recent.

number 391

if it's possible, i'm pretty sure i raise my body temperature for a short period of time, whenever i straighten my hair.

number 390

safe.


so so safe.


honestly, i slept a little better last night...

number 389

i may be restating this, but i do things that normally calm other people [massaging and ect] mainly to calm myself.

the most logical way i can explain it is, i have to focus on calming them which, as a result, calms me.

number 388

" 'i really don't want to leave...'

interesting hearing me say that when i'm not trying to put my clothes back on, eh?"

well ain't that the truth.

number 387

i've never felt like this...this secure...this safe feeling i felt in her room...i can honestly say i've never felt before...

number 386

number 385, reminds me, i can't believe how i'm even starting to get jealous of my own ex for being close with her...it's annoying for me to think about.

number 385

i'm not liking how my jealousy can't keeps itself underwraps anymore.

number 384

"is it worth it? is she going to be worth all the changing?"


even when i was asked that weeks ago, i knew the answer was yes.


for your information, she'll always be worth it...

number 383

it's almost pathetic how much i think about her.

number 382

i wish i never had to sleep. it'd make everything so much better.

number 381

definition of christie rose lindsey: n. a flamboyant lesbian who loves technical theatre and acting; is intensely depressing, too flirtatious for her own good, is an over controlling mess a lot of the time, tends to wear her heart on her sleeve; can be a liar and a clingy whore.

number 380

"yea, so _____ tried to unhook my bra for like the first 10 or 15 minutes of class."

that struck a nerve deep down for some reason.

i wonder, is this what it was like whenever you heard about lyma pawing at me?

number 379

"it's hot"

not that it was hot, just the fact that it's warmer than it has been lately. humid.


i love the warm weather. i really do. i just hate how it makes me feel the need to eat more.

number 378

i'm not getting more and more ignorant, i'm growing more and more snippy about it. it's to the point that i hold my head higher an act as though it's nothing, as if anything that's said by them doesn't mean anything.

maybe it's from having her to my right...

number 377

"if it's that big of a deal, i'll give you mine"


honestly, that caught me off guard.

number 376

lately i've been more sleep deprived than i was during the shows


at least it feels that way

number 375

i sleep without her jacket and find myself unable to sleep well because something is missing

so i sleep with her jacket and i can't sleep because i can smell her, but i can't find her


this is so unfortunate.

number 374

she's probably the only person i ever like having on my right side, holding my right hand, leading me somewhere, anywhere.

i feel so pathetically submissive with only her in this way, and i'm really starting to like it.

number 373

i have the urge to learn how to drive stick shift...


possibly it has something to do with me liking to hold someone's hand when they drive stick.

number 372

that nightmare kinda brought all my worries to life in my mind.

i'm trying to keep my mouth shut because i don't want to say something prematurely and end up being wrong; i don't really know how she'll react...

number 371

finally everything stops for a while.

number 370

i like doing tech for other shows. i feel out of my element and it's refreshing to just not think about everything. for a baker show and such, i let my director side throw in ideas left and right; dance shows i'm only in tech mode. no directing. nothing else. just tech.

it really is refreshing in a way.

number 369

it's not that i want to leave anyone. i'd so much rather nothing changing and keeping everyone where they are [except the college kids who feel too far away] but seeing as that'll probably not happen, i'm finding everyway possible to stay here.

number 368

half of me wants to just cry



the other half wants to stand up and say,

"no, you're strong enough to find a way out. so start searching."

number 367

run down?

that's a lie.


i'm so far down now, it's like i dug my own grave.

number 366

i hate knowing i do this to her.


i hate not knowing, just as much though...

number 365

she said something about how things have gone downhill since her girlfriend broke up with her.


then i remembered what i find out this week.


i'll die if i leave.



i'll be beyond dead if she just decides to up and leave me...

number 364

i live for the moments when she lets me hold her close and be all sweet.

just like i used to live for the moments other people would make a move and be dominiant.

number 363

i really don't do whatever she says just because she says it. it just takes repetition to get me to do something.

number 362

i find it interesting that kristin figured out how submissive i am.

number 361

i forget how much i act like a lost little puppy most of the time

number 360

p.s. yelling profainities at me won't make me wanna eat.

number 359

maybe you didn't catch on exactly,

extream stress/pressure makes me not want to eat.

end of story

number 358

just one more week, one more week and i'll be free from obligations for baker unless it comes to drama exposed shows

then spring break, i'll have my for sure answer

then i'll know if i should be crying everytime i see her, or if everything will e completely fine...

number 357

that nightmare i had the other day, just might come true.

who knows, stress does lead to stomach ulcers, right?

number 356

so, i've realized, shelby is right. if i wanted to be a motherly figure to them, i would be. the only thing is, everytime i look at my brother, i see a stronger connection there than i have with my parents, thus i like thinking i'll be the sisterly figure to them.

also, i keep thinking i'll be a terrible mother to begin with...

number 355

i'm slowly worrying about my health again.

number 354

after i dyed my hair, i stopped and thought for a second "holy shit, if it were shorter, i'd look like stephh."

number 353

note to self: never get back massages

it'll only make you ache more...

number 352

i hate the s.a.t. with a burning passion

number 351

i'm starting to get that whole "survival of the fitest" tone to what i say...it kinda bothers me

number 350

that, was all impulse. i don't even remember thinking about slapping him, i just...slapped him.

number 349

maybe i am being a bitch, maybe i should be nicer to them...

number 348

i hate that i'm so much of a flirt.


but i love that it calms me down when i'm on the brink of losing it.

number 347

even through all of the scatter brained ness i'm dealing with, a voice deep down keeps yelling

"i want to fucking see her!"

and everytime i'm near her, that voice gets louder.

everytime i'm away from her, it trills on faster and faster as though subliminal messaging will make it happen...

number 346

i wish there were some way i could say, "she's all mine" and not feel like an easily jealous bitch...

number 345

everything about her being close with you, makes me feel more and more overprotective.

yes, it's mainly her.

number 344

i have a random obsession with blue, green, teal, and aqua.


it's really weird.

number 343

i feel like writing, but nothing comes.

number 342

something tells me i'm not gonna do well this quarter...

number 341

personality trait of mine that proves how feminine i am:

i'm overly obsessed with my physical image. my hair, my physique, my appearence in general...

it's almost sickening for me.

number 340

it's unhealthy how bad i want to dye my hair right now.

number 339

i feel like the worst girlfriend.

i'm hoping it can turn her mood around at least a little bit...

knowing my luck, it'll make it worse.

number 338

i still thinking about seeing her like i did friday...

i think i was so shocked i almost forgot to breath


it was...weird.

number 337

i want to take things on stage. >:O
ughh

number 336

i'd die if, by some miracle, her phone was on right now.


what i wouldn't give to talk to her.

number 335

i know all the wrong buttons to push i guess

number 334

that was the first time she's ever seemed to push religion on me...it feels so fucking uncomfortable, i felt like yelling but i could already feel her angst coming, so i bit my tongue


doesn't mean i believe a damn thing she said.

number 333

i seriously was freaking out when the zipper decided not to stay zipped...

number 332

things remembered.

i feel like going there and getting a nice pen and a zippo...but i have no clue why

number 331

"colorado has snow."

"colorado is somewhere new."

"colorado means we'll probably have a real fire place."

"colorado won't be that cold all the time."

"colorado won't have as many bigoted people as the other choices."

to tell the only one of those that made my ears perk up was the last one.

but still not enough for me to be ok with leaving her behind.

number 330

i'm much too sleepy nowadays.


i wanna be at her house. i sleep so much better there. and it's always warm at her house
:]

number 329

i feel like i'm grounded because i have my phone...but have like...almost no one to text.

this is gonna be a long ass month.

number 328

"what the hell was that damn dream about?!

it's going to drive me insane..."

that's what goes through my head a lot.

number 327

i can't remember who i really was in freshmen year.
everyone talks about who they were back then, and how much they've changed...


all i've done is tried to understand why i did everything and how i did everything, not change it all.

all i know is, i really don't like who i was then, so me not changing, does that mean i still don't like who i am?

i'd like to think i've grown to like myself quite a bit, compared to back then...?

number 326

why do i always feel the need to say that to who ever i'm getting close with before they go to bed?

i've always said it...it makes me wonder.

number 325

i think it's interesting how our wave lengths overlap from time to time still.

number 324

my true happy place:

her room, on that bed, a scent so sweet, soft pillows and stuffed animals under my head, whatever music she wants to play, i won't think about the lyrics until the next day.

that happy moment, happy place can take its toll sometimes after. it has to happen anyway.

number 323

i am seriously going crazy over wanting an acting role in this one.

number 322

eliminate worrying from my thought process...it's gonna be hard

number 321

i hate cleaning my room...i leave too many reminders in this damn place...

number 320

"Did you give him a hug and a kiss?"

"Uhh...do what?"

that was supreamly awkward to hear from her.

number 319

you'd think they would have caught on to the "i don't believe in 'God' " ness thing...

maybe they have and they're trying to force me to stick with it...?

number 318

i'm slowly losing faith in this show. it's not pulling together.


shit, i've ceased the will to care now...not like the actors give a shit

why should i?

number 317

honestly, why was it last year a bigger cast listened to me so much better than this cast which is at least half the size?

number 316

i fucking love this jacket


seriously.

number 315

well...that hasn't happened before.


why do you make me feel so damn open about everything?
seriously, any other girlfriend hasn't made me roll over like this and let them do as they please.

it's quite interesting...

number 314

if i do move, i'm sure i will not be able to survive.

number 313

how is it i still can tell you my weakest link and not get worried about you taking advantage of it?

number 312

i don't think i honestly have many secrets anymore, just things i never say aloud.

number 311

i used to always stare at people's feet...kind of had this weird shoe fetish. what kind a person wore, how it effected their walking, so on.

i kind of still do it, but only when i notice the same someone is walking sounds differently or feels differently somehow.

number 310

i get tired of writing "number" in front of the actual numbers, but it looks so...empty if i don't; plus, i can't stop it now because i've done it for 310 entries already...

number 309

do i fall in their rhythm, or do they fall into mine?

i've always wondered that...

number 308

i feel so weird not telling you, when all last year i told you every little thing going on in this heart of mine.

number 307

it's interesting how that song now reminds me of her after she told me it reminded her of me.

actually listening to the lyrics, really makes me stop and think about what she might feel towards me

or if it's really just because it's tegan and sara.

number 306

if i were a match maker, i'd set those 2 up in a heart beat.

honestly, they both seem cute ish together. they need to hang out more before i can decide for sure...

number 305

in my defense, that truth box was not from me. i swear on my right shoe.

number 304

i was beyond suprised when they both hugged me after i congradulated them on an amazing show.

number 303

she looks out for you when i slip up, just so you know.

number 302

something that tickles me one time, can turn me on at other times, and vice versa.

number 301

when someone tries tickling me or just touches me, it most likely tickles, turns me on, or just feels really good.

number 300

if i leave, if i move, i know i'll never find someone just like bobby, roy, wolf, any of the guys i've connected with.

that, honestly, makes me petrified more than the thoughts of leaving stephh, niki, kelly, brittany, and shelby.

number 299

it kills me that she complains and does everything she does, knowing it'll get her in a shitload of trouble.

number 298

"We can't control everything, Christie."

well what if i want to control everything you put me in charge of? i mean, you pressure me so damn much, push me so damn much, and wonder why i feel like pulling my hair out at the mention of your name. you're no better than i. the only difference is i try to fix everything for everyone. you just sit there wait for others to help you. stop and see what you put me through before you demand anymore of me.

number 297

i could swear i'm getting more and more dependant in life. isn't it supposed to be the other way around?

number 296

just looking into her eyes make me feel safe and warm

i love it

number 295

i hate when people call it "v day"

i'm used to hearing "v card" so hearing "v day" makes me think virgin day. then i wonder, why the fuck would virgin's get a special day?

number 294

i love the snow
i love cuddling
i love warm blankets saving me from freezing
i love laying in front of a wood burning fire place to smell the fire and hear the wood popping...

i hate the cold


how does that make sense?!

number 293

he's my favorite guy in the world.

some girl out there needs to open their eyes and see that he's really an amazing, sweet guy.

i hate seeing him wait and go through this much...

number 292

"So what'd you get for valentine's day?"

"Nothing."

*shocked face*

"What?! She didn't know what to get me."

besides, my gift was seeing her. i don't need a materialistic item for some occasion. just letting me know she cares was all i fucking wanted.
i thought them, of all people, would understand that. i mean, they raised me to be this way, ya know?

number 291

why is her scent so orgasmically addictive?

when i realize my clothing smell like her, i can't stop cuddling up to my clothes.

number 290

what does it mean to be someone's "valentine"?

i've been curious for the past few days.

number 289

for the past 4 years, i've dated someone on valentine's day.

this year i actually stopped and wondered, why do people make such a big deal out of it?

number 288

i really am tempted to try gauging my ears. not so big that it'll be overly noticable, but still gauging them.

number 287

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."

why does twilight have to be such a big deal for all the stupid teens around here? they obsess over every little "romantic" thing said in the book/movie by edward, and ruin the quote.

i mean, for me, it just a quote. i don't obsess over it. it actually means something to me...

number 286

so i've put you through hell, and this probably won't mean shit to you, but i hope you have a good valentine's day.

number 285

i was thinking this morning, and realized i never can remember what kind of flower you said you liked.

was it lilies? tulips?

wow, i really don't remember.

number 284

perhaps i've thrown the term around a bit
but last night i honestly cried myself to sleep

and slept horribly.
i thought crying was supposed to exhaust me...?

number 283

it's like seperation anxiety or something.

with every damn thing in my life.

number 282

sometimes, i really wish i weren't such a damn "people pleaser"
because it's even starting to piss me off...

number 281

my method to getting distance = piss said person off enough to push them away from me

number 280

i wish i could sleep better in general.

maybe i need a lower dosage?
but i don't want to deal with the headaches and moodiness i'll have.

plus...i'm too addicted...

number 279

i hate when inspiration strikes me


and there's no way for it to get out of my system.


i end up laying awake for hours at night trying to get it out of my head...

number 278

i'm the kind of person who only pours my heart out when i fear i might lose it.

number 277

i honestly don't like how my jealousy effects every other thought in my mind.

number 276

every second of everyday until the day after forever, still wouldn't be long enough, because the second she'd walk away, i'd miss her...

number 275

i listened to that song...and you came to mind...you know, one of the times in your car it came on...

she was in front of me and i was singing it to her.
it reminds me of her more than you.
i felt like it describes our previous years together better than it described us...

number 274

to stop spoiling a child, the parent or guardian must first be disaplined themselves, am i right?


well, someone disapline me, i need to stop spoiling her.

number 273

mommy, i think i'm too short for this ride...get me off...please?

number 272

there's always a thought in the back of my head begging them to bring me roses again.

there's always a thought shooting that down saying they won't get me any.


there's always a wish that at least she would recognize what i've been doing for this damn thing, but even she won't see what i've been doing for it.

number 271

maybe you really knew it'd hit me like it did, but everytime i listen to call it off, i feel myself kick myself in the face.



yes, still does it to this day.

i can imagine you singing different parts to me.

number 270

everyday i wonder, at least once, if you'd have just been better off not knowing me...

number 269

i'm getting sick of them ruining my plans of relaxation. yes, i know i spend a lot of time with her, but dammit. i'm tired of the same faces at school. i need my escape more than ever right now.

stop bitching at me.
start fucking trusting me again.

number 268

you've been getting a hell of a lot better, and i understand that sometimes you need to just scream and yell about everything once in a while to stay sane.

i'm sorry i'm being so selfish about all of this. i'm sorry i argue so much. my patience is wearing thin is all...

number 267

this character is actually, really bothering me now.

number 266

i hate being female when i feel like this.

number 265

finally, one of those times comes around when the logically part of my mind is a help instead of a waste of time and space.

number 264

a song on my lips
a rhythm to my step
and a girl burned into my mind


well, i'm screwed, aren't i?

number 263

sometimes i'm really afraid i'm not what you want...


...or what you need

number 262

women frustrate me almost as much as men do.

number 261

why is it that i feel like you still want me to change back to that pretty little pink love princess i was when i was 5?

grow up. i'm not changing anymore.

number 260

timid, shy people, will always be my weakness.


they will be the death of me...i know it...

number 259

i am losing count of how many times i have had to roll over and let people see why i ended it.



people just fucking disgust me.

number 258

i hate when i get stuck in between a rock and a hard place within myself.

desire for theatre and desire for her.

number 257

i love kelly.

it really is something to me when someone recognizes my efforts. especially when it comes to acting. i mean, for them to say they're proud, really makes me smile.

yes shelby, it's the same when you said i did well. it's only different because she actually said she knows i don't get recognition i "deserve"

it's like, from being in drama exposed, we've gotten it beat into our heads that baker never notices what an actor does. they never get recognized for hardwork if they don't do acting all the time...

maybe that's just my envious side talking though.

number 256

sleeping in unfamiliar areas, or around unfamiliar people, has always bothered me.

how i fell asleep at her house, is not a question i ask myself; instead, i ask why it took me so long to finally allow myself to sleep?

number 255

i forgot that compromise is something i see as important as i do.

number 254

"why do you keep saying me? do you need to tell me something?"

no, not at all.
ever wonder why i refer to my exes, or people i've been close to when i dated you?
they were familiar, something i knew.

you, my dear, are no different, except for the fact i have been a lot closer to you in a different way that i was with the rest, thus i refer to you more.

sorry if i worried you.

number 253

happy one day, bothered the next, up one time, down in a second.


sure, this rollercoaster makes my stomach do flips and my heart to beat so fast that my breathing can't imagine to keep up...


but honestly, i love that finally, i feel balanced. not stuck in the extreams anymore.


it's been a while...

number 252

why is tech almost always neglected?

i have always wondered...

number 251

i am an adreanaline whore.

being up on stage, roller coasters, driving...all of that stuff i love.


if i love it though, why do i fear them sometimes?

number 250

you have me captive in every way except physically.


now i've come to the point where i will follow you to the ends no matter what mood you happen to be in.

now is when i would roll over and only ask to be kept in your room forever so i may see you every night and hold you close.

now is the time you take me and keep me to yourself, and whenever you want me, i'm right there, waiting with anxious eyes that just want to look into your's...

number 249

i don't think i have ever begged like that since freshman year...or maybe even 8th grade...

number 248

thinking back to 8th grade, i remember writing something and that object became something i fear more than fear itself. i've found it still is the thing that scares me to this day...

number 247

sometimes, i really hate knowing i have so much in common with him.

number 246

i hate jumping up and asking people what's wrong and so on. i hate making them feel even more smothered by people jumping up to their attention. i like sitting back and letting them come to me if they want to.

sometimes i wonder if they think i don't care because i do that and whatnot...

number 245

sometimes i really wonder if i look thinner whenever someone says something.

number 244

what i'd do to be with you every night.


honestly, too much is on my mind when i try to sleep and you're not around...

number 243

i don't wanna be like him, but i don't want you to leave.

i don't want to hurt you...

number 242

i wish i could give you my persistance and wish it would help you more than it ever helped me.


i want you to be happy...so fucking bad.



i feel like everything i do still hurts...no matter how hard i try.

number 241

it makes me sick watching her.


makes me wish i never came around and jumped into peoples' lives like she's doing...

like i always did.

number 240

i'm mad you stood there in between her and myself.
i'm mad it felt like you were testing her.
i'll fucking flip out if it bothered her.

number 239

i'm suprised she said something on a friend ish level...i thought she totally forgot who i was...


and would have glared at me for walking with dominique.

number 238

why do i feel like they hate me?

number 237

i'm still trying...i'm sorry for anything i might have done again...

number 236

i hate feeling so dependant all the time,


but damn do i love feeling relaxed for once.

number 235

maybe it's bad for me to say this, but i'm really proud of you...

number 234

this is absolutely inconvient.

i'm absolutely and honestly happy in my life when my character is grieving because she believes her husband is dead.

fuck i feel no where near ready for this one act.

number 233

i feel like my writing is slowly becoming shit.

number 232

everyone has been saying i'm so patient now.


i honestly have you to thank for that.

number 231

i swear, everytime niki says something like that, i cry because it always feels like she's forgotten about me until she says something to that extent to me. i feel so loved whenever she does say something...

number 230

my stomach is in knots all the time now.

it makes me feel sick all the time.

number 229

i wonder if it's bad that i cry everytime i watch that video.