number 466

":-/

i really don't know how to explain it. i mean...it's not just you want me, i want you.

it's like you want me and i'll want you more..."

lieslieslies.

number 465

"i miss my raccoon.

not the one that cuts and fools around and seems absolutely miserable.

i want the one who smiled a lot and rambled about whatever cause that's what i wanted and didn't feel so dead to me.

except i lost my raccoon and i don't think i'm getting her back.

and i feel like shit for that because you don't find raccoons like that all the time.

it's like a once or never kind of thing."

next time, don't say that, then proceed to bitch about how someone went back to who they used to be.

number 464

"do you think me breaking up with you was all your fault?"

seems like it was.

number 463

i want a new style...well not a new one. i just to broaden where i've gone so far...

number 462

why are college girls so damn hot, and sweet, and just...calming?

number 461

it's irritating how much she reminds me of myself at times.

damn freshmen.

number 460

"well you see i broke up with shelby and..."

"you left shelby for that?!"

the look on her face made me laugh yet cower at the same time.

number 459

and i snapped.

number 458

i don't want to have a councelor again.
i don't want mom and dad to spend the money for one.
i don't want to be weak.
i don't want to hear them tell me everything that's wrong with me.
i don't want to hear i need more medication.
i don't want to be dependant on medication.
i don't want to waste money on hearing them tell me what to do.
i don't want to think about it all.


i know none of it will help. it didn't last time.

number 457

i have a theory as to why i like theatre and working as much as i do

it keeps my mind off everything. i hate eating because it allows me time to think. i hate getting a shower because it allows me time to think. i hate doing anything that's second nature because it allows me time to think.

number 456

a car could hit me when i go outside and i wouldn't care right.

i could get a car and i wouldn't care.

nothing matters anymore it feels like.

only thing that does matter is how she's doing.

number 455

i don't blame her.

number 454

it's like my way of testing the water.

number 453

i can see what you mean by she gets irritating.


she really does.

number 452

no matter what, in a myspace survey, i have to change what was there before. i'll add a word or put "<--- same"


no clue why

number 451

i really don't see what the big deal is with the word cunt.

number 450

i haven't cried today.


i want it to stay that way.

number 449

i'm getting a twinge of confidence.
i'm not feeling like i need to pull you around.

i'm starting to feel secure...it's scaring me really.

number 448

why does this song remind me of you so damn much?
why do i keep listening to it?

number 447

i find it interesting that i can make them believe my issues are nothing.

number 446

i wish my poetry would go back to what it used to be.

back when it was a slightly contained stream of consciousness...

number 445

i'm tired of teachers and adult shoving the whole suicide shit down my throat. they always give it to me with a bunch of guilt.

it's like trying to swallow a tablespoon of cinnimon with a pinch of sugar in it.

number 444

i hate those advertisements that are all like "Are you Bisexual? take this quiz and find out."

how about you build up your own guts and figure it out yourself. those quizzes don't tell you anything you don't already know.


i just don't like when people depend so much on a quiz to know their orientation. to figure out your personality type is one thing, to know your preference is another.

number 443

i'm addicted to the show house for some reason.

and the season finale made me sad...

number 442

as summer rolls up again and i went to ocean breeze monday and all that, i felt my mind slip back to last summer...

it feels like it was just yesterday i was being pampered by ana and olia and jen and rose...

i miss them...


i hope she doesn't come back this year.
i don't need that shit this time.

number 441

"stop flirting!"

first thing that popped into my mind was

"oh shit, am i...? fuck. distancedistancedistance."

shit, she could have been talking to you and i still would have jumped.

number 440

i listen to songs that remind me of you because i feel like i never get to be with you anymore. i miss laying on your bed with you.


a movie sounds nice, doesn't it?

number 439

i can't stand it when you start talking like that.

i've told you there's no one else i want, waiting isn't an issue for me.

number 438

let's try being subtle again.

number 437

i feel like i'm going to do something stupid.

number 436

the questions slip my mind a lot.
i begin to feel confident, then, out of fucking nowhere, i get insecure again and ask.

then i have a reason to be insecure.

number 435

i hide in theatre.

i learn more, and i hide it all once i do because i don't want to start hating myself more.


part of me thinks i should distance myself from it, because all i'm doing is finding new sides of me, new personalities to go explore the world in, new personalities to hide in.

number 434

i'm afraid of growing up, but i want freedom.

i know i have to grow up, and living on my own doesn't bother me, what bothers me is knowing i'll end up becoming more of a loner.

closing off completely...

number 433

purple, pink, and blue.


those 3 colors make my heart ache more.

number 432

i can feel myself closing off to people.


i like it...but then again i don't.

number 431

i don't like myself, but i like myself more than i used to...well, most of the time i do...

number 430

i hate thinking i'm being immature...

number 429

"you're so patient christie"

that's a damn lie.