number 27

i hate not being around friends at something big-ish like warped.

for many reasons really:

1. i always seem to look like a sad, lost puppy looking for their owner, whenever i'm alone

2. i feel unimaginably more insecure when i'm surrounded by people i don't know at places like those

3. if i'm in a pit or something, my friends actually look out for me and make sure someone doesn't kill me [as i do the same for them]

4. again, in a pit or something, i'm surrounded by my friends, and they know me, people aren't looking at me like some weirdo as i get flung from one side of a circle pit to the other side and laugh about it.

and lastly,
5. because in the end, if something happens to a friend of mine, i wanna be one of the first ones to help them, and if not, i wanna be one of the first few to know/see what's going on. i loathe, with a burning passion, hearing what happened through a friend of a friend or something. [i guess that's where my trust issues jump in a little]
also, in the end of it all, i end up beating myself up, thinking "if i had been there..." if i really had been there, i would know i would have tried my hardest and if it wasn't enough, it wasn't enough; but i would have known i still was there and trying.